Much Like Death

Much like death, I have left this until the last minute.

New relationships, old friends and familiar situations have kept me in a socially isolated mess.

My mind has become like a damaged 8 ball. Continuously being shaken in the hope that a prediction may soon fall out my ear. But nothing happens, all that comes out is the wax of uncertainty which continues to clog the passage between clear, coherent thought and ecstatic longing for roaring success and tranquility.

Much like death, I rely on myself to get the job done.

Upon reflection, these are probably the best days of my life. I’m in a nirvana limbo. On one hand I have an invisible motion lifting me up towards my future, on the other, an unimaginable force which keeps me grounded to my past.

What makes this situation a blessing, is the realisation that being caught in my own world has momentarily relieved my from my destiny. How far away the end can seem when every day feels like a new start. The echo’d promise of a better day, the tantalising bait of self improvement — that’s what has been driving and terrifying me for these last few months. Not in a depressing way, but more an intrigue, peeking my head around the corner of adulthood and snapping it back incase anyone see’s me questions why I’m here.

Much like death, I am tired of having to explain myself.

I’m 28 and have a co-working space now. No one here seems to fear death. Although I haven’t asked due to the conducts of society, and the fact that it would be a bit of a downer.

My life at the moment feels so far from the end. It feels as if it can’t happen, because when would I fit in the time for death? I barely have enough time to get all the proteins I need, and I also need to find a new flat that’s affordable.

Much like death, I must constantly deal with people.

Much like death, I am too absorbed by my work.

Much like death, life goes on.